||INSIGHTS|| 
by Michael Grose -Australia’s leading parenting educator 
10 ways children draw 
parents into sibling conflict 
||INSIGHTS|| 
by Michael Grose -Australia’s leading parenting educator 
10 ways children draw 
parents into sibling conflict 
Sibling fighting is common but not inevitable. Parents can become embroiled in 
sibling fighting by responding to some of the games children play. 

Sometimes parents get drawn into sibling disputes when they 
don’t involve them. Parents become embroiled in the conflict and 
help create the problem rather than solve it. 

Children usually become quite adept at drawing their parents into 
disputes between siblings. Parents need to be aware of the following 
ten common ways children involve parents in their sibling disputes: 

1. 
Beware the teller of tales because they can draw you into 
disputes you don’t need to be in. 
“Tell Tale children” tend to involve parents in fights and disputes when 
they don’t need to be. Tales also invite parents to take sides, which 
may mean a fight stops momentarily. However it will begin again at 
another time as there may be lingering resentment about you taking 
sides. 

2. 
Beware the blame gamers for it is never, ever their fault! 
Some children will blame other siblings for wrong-doing but will rarely 
see their side in a dispute. It usually takes two or three to tango so 
make sure you point out their place in the dispute. 

3. 
Beware the tantrum-throwers as they divert attention away 
from themselves. 
Kids who throw a ‘wobbly’ when a sibling even looks at them in the 
wrong way have discovered a great way to keep mum or dad busy 
with them. 

4. 
Beware of children’s tears as they can make us feel pity 
rather than look at the whole story. 
A child who comes to you with tears in her eyes and a tale of woe sure 
knows how to get their parents onside. Tears usually gain sympathy 
but sometimes the person who cries the loudest is the child who 
caused the dispute in the first place. 

5. 
Beware of children who say that they couldn’t help hitting, 
hurting or misbehaving. 
Children always have a choice. They just choose the easy way or a 
way that suits them a lot of the time. 

6. 
Beware the child who is always, always the victim. 
Sometimes they revel in this role. 
Some children, particularly youngest kids, love to play the victim in 
fights and arguments with their siblings. “He always picks on me” is 
their catchcry. Don’t give these children too much attention and give 

them some options about how they can keep away from their siblings 
if things look likely to ‘cut up rough’. 

7. 
Beware the child who acts like the deputy sheriff, always 
giving orders and bossing others around. They can make 
life unpleasant at home. 
First born boys can sometimes act like a parent’s deputy and believe 
it is their job to keep peace on the ‘family range’. They often use 
methods more akin to the ‘wild west’ than those they would learn in a 
negotiation skills workshop. Aggression and power is their preferred 
methodology. Keep a firm eye on these kids and don’t put them in 
charge of the ‘family range’ too often. 

8. 
Beware the donkey who whines and whinges about his 
siblings -“Hee Hawlways picks on me!” 
Give them some ideas about how to deal with their siblings and refuse 
to be drawn by incessant whining. Like water torture, whining wears a 
person down after a while. 

9. 
Beware children who bring home poor attitudes and 
behaviours that they learned at school or pre school. 
You can tell sometimes what is happening in the schoolyard as children 
can bring home poor conflict resolution skills that they see in the 
schoolyard. ‘We treat each other well in this family’ is the message! 

10. 
Beware of the home environment that uses power to 
resolve disputes and conflict. 
Children will often reflect the ways that the significant adults in their 
family resolve conflict so make sure you use the same methods to sort 
out issues and disagreements with your partner that you want your 
children to adopt. Children tend to live what they see so make sure 
they see conciliation and compromise rather than bullying and power. 
It helps if they see assertiveness rather than aggression. And make 
sure they see you looking at both sides of the picture rather than your 
side all the time in disputes. 

Published by Michael Grose Presentations. 

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© 2008 Michael Grose www.parentingideas.com.au